i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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