she was so not down for the gang bang
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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