2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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