If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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