Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
