Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
