guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
