how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
