I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
