do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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