my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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