I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
