Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
