It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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