with your own penis?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
