there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
