Dude my mom stole all your condoms
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
