New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I touched a dick in church today
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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