At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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