Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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