Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
