your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
