Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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