How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
