I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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