i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
