I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
