dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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