I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Houston, we have a squirter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
