just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
