I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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