I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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