He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
