Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I faked an abortion last night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
