did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
