I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
