if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
