he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
