All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
