cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
