Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
