i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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