I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
