I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
