She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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