he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
