Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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