So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
