You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
