help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
