eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
