Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
